Attitude Shaping and Shifting: Answering… “How Are You?”

Of all the questions in the world, there is probably not a question asked more frequently than, “How are you?” or some variation of it. Your answer to that frequent question does a lot to set your attitude in place for that moment, maybe even the rest of the day. There is a place in life for an authentic negative response. A visit with a therapist, an occasional conversation with a close friend about perplexing dilemma or problem come to mind. You might even tone down your answer when responding to someone who you know is struggling with some weighty issue or grieving. The book of Proverbs tells us in chapter 25 and verse 20 “Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound. Romans 12:15 echoes the same sentiment when it says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep”.

After having said that, positive responses will do more to help shape your attitude and emotional state. They will generally also make you a more enjoyable and attractive person to be around. In his wonderful book, 110% - 110 Strategies for Feeling Great Every Day, Pat Croce starts off the Introduction with this:

So, how are you?
These are the standard replies:
“Not bad.”
“Okay.”
“Pretty Good.”
“Hangin’ in.”
“Hangin’ on”
“Fine.”

Just once, try this instead: “I feel great!” Say it with gusto, with conviction, with
wattage.

And then watch the other person recoil. The reaction will be somewhere
between disbelief and envy…

And, yes, I know exactly what you’re thinking: “Oh, please. It is not possible
for anyone to feel great, to be in such an effervescent mood all the time.

Well, of course it’s not.

But in the bleak moments, there are thoughts you can summon to help
overcome depression, pain, sorrow, and negativity. Because for the most part
we—and not our circumstances—determine the way we feel.